shascita

xkcd, how i love thee

2012-01-13T21:28:00.001-08:00

a prayer

2011-12-24T12:16:00.000-08:00

thy light is revealed in darkness
majestic in silence art thou
in stillness, embrace envelopes me
oh lord, thou art mighty
and awesome thy love.
may i be forever in communion with thee
may i live fully within thy grace.

amen

on love

2011-12-01T14:43:00.000-08:00

if i do love you, then i must love every atom, too, because you are in everything. i must love every space between atoms, because you are also there, and so i must love everything in this reality, and in every alternate reality, and in all of creation, because it is all from you. and then i must love everything outside of creation, because that is where your sunrise shines most brilliantly, the liquid gold beyond stories of this and that, relativity, birth and death. and if i do love you, then i must love each and any piece of experience that floats into my perception, and then i must learn to perceive beyond perception, in order to love also whatever is there, and all that is and ever has been. if i do love you, then i must love you, as fully as fullness itself, and only then will i be alive, will livingness flow through this being, and in that long moment of now, we will seize to maintain identity and --

Good advice from my dad

2011-10-26T21:27:00.001-07:00

"The race doesn't end ten meters before the finish line.
One foot in front of the other; just don't give up."

Metaphor

2011-07-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

From Latin metaphora from Ancient Greek μεταφορά (metaphora)
from μεταφέρω (metapherō, “I transfer, apply”) from μετά (meta, “with, across,
after”) + φέρω (pherō, “I bear, carry”) [source: wiktionary.com]

Metaphor:
to carry across;
through the meta field from one world of perspective
to another; a private/collective meta-portation device
through dimensions.

To be effective, she who throws a metaphor
must enter the now-world of her audience,
must learn this world’s vocabulary, its grammars,
must taste its desire, respect its fears;
must sneak through existing preconceptions to invade from within,
to attack without warning, with inner boundaries down,
to explode a bomb, call forth an apocalypse of all that's been,
stand her ground;
now transition transport meta.

Metaphor:
to carry across;
suddenly a new spot,
cleared land, uncover fertile soil,
in new speed, a different vehicle, moving in trajectory
from one world to another, multidimensional
expansion pulling painfully / meta flows /
away the mask, feigned flatness goes.

ALIVE.

.

Communication

2011-06-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

I work with brilliant people on interesting projects.

Recently I have the opportunity to jump in on a project during a particularly busy week. My role involves owning a document which is to be delivered to the client within days. As part of this process, I get to talking with one of the inventors whose latest developments will be featured. This particular coworker has an especially diverse background within an environment which epitomizes interdisciplinary teamwork. He conveys to me his frustration at not being able to adequately explain, even to collaborators, the amazing work he is doing. The work will speak for itself once it has been completed, but right now, he needs his teammates to recognize the vision in order to realize it. Enter the writer*.

After spending some time with Inventor getting up to speed on the issue, I ask to see his brainchild in its current manifestation. Of course, playing with a new technology, even one still in development, offers a much better feel, tangibly, for its capabilities and possibilities. I delve into the experience which I will then try to transmit to others with words, and I want to know where he feels people struggle to grasp this work. Meanwhile, I become aware of an explanation stream starting to form in my mind. When I get back to my computer, it feels alternately like a struggle and like a flow -- the flow of words onto the page and me struggling to arrange them. We go back and forth a few times, testing how well my description matches his reality, and after several iterations, he sends this response -- "I showed it to my teammate and a lightbulb went off in his head! He finally gets it!" Yes! He is psyched to have something which solidly captures his ideas and will garner support for his cause. I am psyched to have played any role in this. Especially because I think his cause is super cool!

So -- I like this kind of work. Helping to communicate great ideas that simply need a voice; ideas that would surely spread enthusiasm if only they were well-articulated and well-presented. Where are skills like this used? Proposal writing? Website content writing (and design)? Copyediting? Business Analysis? What else?

* Writing is something I have generally done for fun, and I enjoy applying the label in that context. Writing is also something I'm "forced" to do in the context of research and my ongoing dissertation process. Professional writing has entered my life accidentally; I am making space for it.

The Apparent Paradox

2011-05-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

In acknowledging the paradox of being alive -- that we are at once the omnipresent oneness as well as the experience of a temporary body-mind -- we allow ourselves to relax into the arms of the NOW-moment.

Ahh... it feels so good..!

.

Change the Gestalt. Make the Paradigm shift.

2010-08-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

originally posted November 11, 2009

"Change the Gestalt. Make the Paradigm shift." ... "You are a SOUL which has a body, not a body which has a soul." - Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath

In response to a request for clarification on this quote, I’ve attempted here to explain my interpretation of it and warmly welcome feedback and discussion. :)

Gestalt...
This means like, the way we look at something. In any given situation, there are many, many details, some of which we will choose to focus on in trying to understand the situation. Given our limited perception, there will always be more information available than we can actually perceive at one time. The resulting interpretation we come up with is then by definition incomplete, subjective and related to the particular Gestalt we have chosen.
http://www.gaiehouston.co.uk/intro.htm [Gestalt demystified]

This Gestalt concept is nicely illustrated in optical illusions... Depending on which part of an image (or situation) we focus on, we will perceive the whole story differently. Sometimes this is discussed as the play between Foreground & Background, or Figure & Ground. Check out this link for examples... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optical_illusion

Paradigm...
This means basically, the Gestalt which we have collectively agreed to use. A paradigm refers to what "we" consider to be "true", as based on socially accepted norms. Often the term is used in a scientific context. Depending on the paradigm from which an experimenter is working, the experiment will look very different and will lead to very different types of results.

A famous example of this is the statement that, "There is nothing new to be discovered in physics now." This was said before Einstein came up with his Theory of Relativity, which has literally changed the world. Einstein stepped outside of the socially accepted Gestalt and made a Paradigm shift. ;) In other words, he tried an experiment of asking, what if the Gestalt we are using -- our current Paradigm -- is incomplete? Well, of course it’s incomplete. Then what?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradigm

Funny thing is, there is never one "best" Gestalt, as it means simply looking at different *pieces* of the same whole, looking at the same picture from different angles. There is actually an infinite number of Gestalts which we could choose to "use" in our perception of life... The Gestalt we "choose" determines the Paradigm from which we will work. So it is up to us which Paradigm we choose to work from. Then why not experiment? We can be Experimenters in our own lives. If we feel "stuck", what if we try a new Gestalt? If something feels impossible, what happens when we just shift into a different Paradigm? How to do this? Well, as with the optical illusions... we simply shift our focus to a different part of the same picture. Get it?

So back to the quote...

"Change the Gestalt. Make the Paradigm shift." ... "You are a SOUL which has a body, not a body which has a soul." - Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath

Yogiraj is telling us to refocus our perception of this life experience. Let's experiment with the radical idea that we can actually *choose* to identify ourselves with the immortal Soul, rather than with this body, which will disease, decay and die. The fear of physical death is a huge drive for many people in our modern age -- aging is considered negative, and the appearance of aging, even more so negative. And yet, this body is bound to age. The over-identification with our physical bodies as our True Selves means that we are basing our happiness on something very temporary, which will die. What happens to our experience of this life if we shift to identify our Self with the Soul?

The Paradigm-shifting which we are currently experiencing as a planet is related to this re-identification with the Soul. It is high time that we align ourselves to this shift. We must unlearn the story we've been told that we ARE this body, that Life is over when this body dies. What will happen when we change the Gestalt and shiftthe Paradigm to Realize our Self as immortal Soul? Hmm... :)

So how to shift this particular Paradigm?
How to facilitate this re-identification of Self from body to Soul? ...

Two answers:
1) BE in the presence of a living Master. Gurunath is so permeated in this identification with Soul that in His presence, we are transformed.
2) PRACTICE Kriya Yoga. The Alchemy of Total Transformation, scientific techniques to Recognize and Know your Self as Soul.

Want more?
http://hamsa-yoga.org/
http://youtube.com/HamsaYogi/

Happy Experimenting!

Om namah Shivaya

My personal experience of transformation

2010-08-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

Yogiraj SatGurunath Siddhanath

My meeting with Himalayan Master Yogiraj is a story that began long, long ago.
This is a very condensed version.

In 2002, after a hiking accident that completely interrupted the plans I'd written out for my life, like a cliché, I felt inspired to re-prioritize, and I ended up leaving grad school and moving to San Francisco. This was to be the first leap of faith in what became a series of leaps.

Through seeming miracles, I immediately found work, as well as Yaniv, my then-coworker and now-fiancé, who almost immediately gave me a copy of "Autobiography of a Yogi," the spiritual classic by Paramahansa Yogananda. I made a sincere effort to read it, but honestly couldn't make it through the beginning -- I just had no context at all for the extraordinary stories and explanations in this book. Yaniv continued to share with me about meditation and its benefits, and eventually I started to meditate. I knew that when his Master would come to California the following summer, I would go and see him. There was just something about Yaniv, like a shining-from-within, that I wanted to know more about, and I also wanted to shine like that, to have that kind of light.

(Now I recognize that light as the spark that we all have within us. Being in the presence of a living Master, and practicing the powerful alchemical techniques of Kriya Yoga, the muck of our stored impressions is being washed away, and that spark that we all have within us is allowed more and more freedom to shine!

Yogiraj says,

"We cover the eyes of our soul
with the hands of our mind
and then cry that we cannot see!"

He tells us that, "Kriya Yoga is the method by which we may remove the hands of our mind to uncover the splendor or our soul." From my experience, I agree!)

When the time came, I did indeed make the trip to meet the Master. He was giving a public talk, or a satsang, which literally means a "gathering of souls"... Waiting for him to arrive, I was casually sitting and chatting with several friends who were also seeing him for the first time. I distinctly remember a moment when I suddenly turned for no apparent reason, and precisely then, with no formal introduction, Yogiraj appeared and entered the room. I remember a sturdy looking form, dressed in white robes, rushing forward, yet not rushing, towards the front of the room. In that first moment of seeing the profile of his face, something inside of me blazed open, and I was simultaneously 1) in awe at what I was seeing, and 2) in utter confusion at my reaction.

That evening, this experiential satsang would be full of surprises. According to Yogiraj, a Master must be able to bestow upon others the three graces of Shivapat (sharing of the "still mind of thoughtless awareness"), Shaktipat (a healing Kundalini energy transmission), and Pranapat (breathing through the breath of others, which is experienced as our own breath becoming longer, richer and deeper)...

I most vividly remember that first Shivapat experience. Basically, Yogiraj gives a brief explanation of what he plans to do ("I will stop your thoughts") and then claps his hands. My mind -- usually so busy, so full of chatter about this and that -- suddenly became STILL. Just still. No movement. At all. There was peace. Just like that... And in this peace, I experienced something new and beautiful. I saw a light surrounding Yogiraj, and it grew, both in breadth and intensity. The color was warm and golden, basking the atmosphere in a dewy brilliance, a divine poetry... I had no idea what was happening; I just kept looking.

Before my eyes, I watched the face of Yogiraj morph into many other faces, including the archetypal faces of Moses, of Zeus, of Poseidon, of Sri Yukteswar, of Masters unknown. I blinked several times, checking whether this was just a trick of the eyes. Meanwhile, the glowing light continued to pulsate in an aliveness, and while everything else in the room seemed to disappear, I could see with pristine clarity the face of Yogiraj and the other faces flashing through his. What was going on? I did not know. I didn't need to know.

For years I couldn't even begin to describe this state of awe I was experiencing. Now I realize that it is that I see in Yogiraj the proof that I had always been looking for -- that LOVE exists. Yogiraj is a manifestation of Perfect Love.

There is more, of course. He is also much, much more.

Later that summer, Yogiraj would initiate me into Kriya Yoga, a powerful set of meditation techniques which he also calls "The Alchemy of Total Transformation"... This is the same Kriya Yoga which Babaji taught Lahiri Mahasaya in the autumn of 1861, as Yogananda references in his "Autobiography" (which I did end up reading, by the way, once these mind-blowing experiences had given me more context for it)...

Since then, life has been a trip!

I practice Kriya Yoga daily and have been one of Yogiraj's Acharyas, or authorized teachers, since 2006. I have spent time with Yogiraj around the world, including in India, Europe and the US. I have watched my experience of life transform. Every day is literally new & improved. There are still difficulties, for sure, although many have indeed melted away. The major difference, though, is in my approach. I am increasingly able to take experiences as lessons from which I can learn -- including pleasures and challenges alike.

In joy and sorrow, light and dark
He ever that eternal spark
In honor and dishonor too
The constant yogi ever new
- Yogiraj SatGurunath Siddhanath

Yoga means "union with God"... and "God" may be described in Yogic parlance as "Universal Consciousness"... There are millions of ways to try to understand God; ancient Yogis passed beyond an intellectual understanding and developed the scientific techniques of Kriya Yoga, using the human body as their laboratory and making the knowing of God their goal.

Anyone who practices Kriya Yoga can get results, without the need for *believing* anything. Practice, and see for yourself.

Increasingly I am learning to refocus my awareness at any moment --
What is my real goal? To merge into God.

That's it.

....

Yogiraj is touring the USA right now!

2011 Event dates!
July 23 & 24 - San Francisco
July 30 & 31 - Encinitas / San Diego
Aug 12 & 13 - Los Angeles

For schedule & more info: hamsayoga.org/bliss
(Retreats in August, September, October)

You can also contact me directly... sara@hamsa-yoga.org

Beyond Sense-Making

2010-06-27T00:50:00.001-07:00

I recently came across the term "meaning junkie" via a facebook post by one of these many Very-Intellectual friends whose discovery of this term had recently shook up her world.

... could we be addicted to assigning meaning?

I've been reflecting on this possibility over the past few weeks. I've been catching myself in moments where I might be acting from a space of putting in a lot of effort to extract meaning from something which perhaps could be left alone.

There was a time when I'd written up little reminders for myself on multicolored 3x5 cards and taped them up in places I'd be seeing constantly. My favorite was yellow and contained these three quotes:

The journey itself is going to change you, so you don't have to worry about memorizing the route we took to accomplish that change. - Ishmael, Daniel Quinn

Memory's images, once they are fixed in words, are erased, Polo said. Perhaps I am afraid of losing Venice all at once, if I speak of it. Or perhaps, speaking of other cities, I have already lost it, little by little. - Invisible Cities, Italo Calvino

Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. And between the two my life flows. - Nisagardatta

Today I realized that all three of these quotes are about checking the addiction to making sense of everything. Why? Because when we are caught up in the perspective many of us live in, that it is our task and responsibility to create order, then we tend to lose sight of the beauties which may not fit into our order, and we may limit our appreciation of What-Is by creating a lot of "what should be"...

My *work* is effectively about making sense where there was none previously. I actually study finding sense in seeming chaos, am writing my PhD dissertation on such things, derive great joy from related challenges... At the same time, when I'm not *working*, I do believe that I am better-served when I can *choose* the times I want to engage in sense-making and when not. Gurunath describes this as the freedom to use the mind as a tool, rather than to be controlled by the mind.

How to do this? How to quiet the mind? Meditation.

To ease disease of random mind
A remedy suitable we must find
A rhythmic breathing tension free
Absorption as its sovereign key

- Yogiraj SatGurunath Siddhanath
from "Mind Transformation" in Dew Drops of the Soul

Meditation to break the addiction to sense-making.

(my) Survival (sedona)

2010-05-19T23:54:00.000-07:00

Sedona, Arizona will always have a very special place in my heart, because eight years and two months ago, I was hiking at Cathedral Rock when I fell and broke both ankles. It was an experience that completely turned my life around, and for which I am heartfully grateful. At the time of this accident, I was 20 years old and in my first year of grad school. Academic life was full of hope, yet the feeling was recurring that what I really needed was to get out on my own and experience more of Real Life... I kept finding excuses to stick with the status quo, and then on a solo spring break trip in Taos, New Mexico, a series of blessed synchronicities led me to Sedona's otherworldy landscapes and the fate that awaited me there. If you've ever experienced or read about the vortex energies that people claim exist in the Verde Valley area of northern Arizona, then you have an idea of what I'll say next; otherwise, it's worth looking into. One of Sedona's major vortex points is at the base of Cathedral Rock, in an area next to Oak Creek, in Red Rock State Park. All I knew back then is that this spot may be especially beneficial for me, as it specializes in the strengthening of positive female energy.

I was very very "lucky"... It turns out that mine was the first bike rescue in the valley, part of a newly implemented program. At least seven rescue paramedics appeared -- my saviors on mountain bikes -- after an emergency phone call I'd made from a cell phone which died while I was frantically describing where I might be on the rock. I remember seeing a helicopter circling overhead after the call got cut off, and when it flew away, I cried, thinking that they had given up on rescuing me. Well, I was found, warmly reassured, medicated, strapped onto a stretcher and carried by four guys down the rock, while the other guys carried the extra bikes. On future trips back to Cathedral Rock, I look up and wonder how in the world I ever could have thought it was a good idea to hike up where I did... My fall was about 15-20 feet, a drop which can kill a person. Meanwhile, all that was injured on me was my two ankles -- I had fallen directly onto my feet, where my thighs seem to have absorbed most of the shock, and then I fell onto my butt and gently back onto the ground, padded by my backpack. I remember the way my body performed an automatic status check right after the fall, and I knew I was ok, until I looked down and saw my ankles and reached for my phone.

It took me about four months to be able to walk again at all. Most of the first six weeks was spent in bed or in a wheelchair. This is where I learned that I was actually capable of staying still -- something that comes in very handy for meditations today! Slowly but surely I graduated to a walker and then to crutches, and finally I could move around again! My mother had been able to take off the rest of her school year to care for me, and needless to say, I was living at home again -- this time gave us the spectacular opportunity to renew our relationship into the beautiful mother-daughter bond that we enjoy today. My lifestyle had changed so dramatically, and so immediately, that I could suddenly entertain ideas of doing something new! ... A good friend was moving to San Francisco, and so as soon as I could walk again with some confidence (five months after the fall!), I packed my car and moved there, too!

On the way out west, I stopped again at Sedona and hobbled out with my crutches to the spot at Oak Creek where I had crossed over and headed up Cathedral Rock. I remember smearing my feet with the cool red mud typical of the valley, and just staring over at the rock that had already changed my life so much.

I like to tell the story that moving to SF, I had $1500 in the bank, rent of $750 a month, and no job prospects. :) After a week, and realizing that I couldn't take the kind of foot-intensive job I'd originally wanted (barista!), I applied at a temp agency and within 24 hours was being sent to an office to replace another Sara who was going on maternity leave. Well, this turned out to be the office where I would meet many of the people who are among my best friends today -- including the love of my life, who I recognized as soon as I was introduced to him on my first day. :) Within months, I had started to practice regular meditation and then met my Master, Yogiraj SatGurunath Siddhanath, who guides me and protects me, and who I keep realizing has been with me all along.

Now, eight years, two months, and many adventures later, I am again in Arizona, and with Yaniv. We are on our way back west, moving to Los Angeles -- where I had been headed all that time ago, after some random travelers had sat with me around a map in a Taos hostel in 2002. And we visited the Grand Canyon today, which was my first visit -- auspicious, considering that it had been my Arizona destination on the mapped route to LA back then, when a freak snowstorm rerouted me to Sedona instead...

A few days ago we went back to Cathedral Rock. I had been commenting that I don't really feel the need to ever climb the rock again, really -- I feel more than satisfied just sitting on the bank of Oak Creek, in the red mud. We'd planned to hike around a bit, on level ground, and soak in the atmosphere. Only on the drive there, reading about the Sedona vortexes, did I realize that the vortex at Cathedral Rock is not on the rock at all -- it is exactly in the spot I'd continually felt so drawn to! -- right there next to the river. :) It was a visit full of blessings, and peaceful, loving messages through time and space. I felt the healing and rejuvenating power of however you call God and Guru. I know that our lives will continue to be full of blessings and love and peace, and I am so grateful to be able to share that, to any extent.

Thank you all for being a part of my life, of our lives.

Tomorrow we drive into Los Angeles, city of angels...
to start a new adventure.
Let's see what dreams may come. :)

Om Namah Shivaya

to the cycles

2009-10-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

a dying forest
a nurtured garden
a privatized prison
a candle with a broken wick
a puddle that reflects the sun
a piece of paper with my name on it
i'm surrounded
i surrender
all
all that i am i have been
all i have been has been a long time coming
i am becoming all that i am

- saul williams

[beginning again]